So, this is Christmas
by HillyHuddy
Summary: Ever dysfunctional Florrick family Christmas, Set after 4x10. Merry Christmas, The good wife fans. :)


_Hello, there! This is my first attempt to write some The good wife fanfic and I'm not sure what to think about it. I am, you could say a Peter/Alicia shipper,but I'm ok to whatever the show brings. It's so realistic and awesomely written, I could never be angry with writers' choice :) (and please, if you're here just to post nasty comments, don't. I'm sure you'd be better off reading a Will/Alicia fanfic, and besides, it's Christmas, enjoy it :D )_

_Ok, so, back to me writing my first The good wife fic and all that stuff, yada, yada... _

_This is actually a Christmas present for my beta and a friend Iane-Casey! (those of you who read Huddy fics surely now her) and since she's my beta, this fic is not betaed, so forgive my mistakes and spelling, if you bump into any :)_

_actually, this is a Christmas present for all The good wife fanfiction readers, since there is so little of it anyway. If I'm honest, this fic can be read by anyone, no matter who you like Alicia better with. I hope I'm right._

_Of course, let me know what you think and whether or not this attempt to write was successful. And have yourself a Merry little Christmas guys :)_

_I always name my fics/chapters after songs, this is no exception. Celine Dion- So this is Christmas _

* * *

**_So, this is Christmas_**

Soft snow was falling on her as she was making her way from the car to the front door. By the time she'd gotten to the porch, her gray cap and her dark coat were already half white. She looked down on her shoes to check if she had much snow on them just as she'd stepped onto the welcome mat.

Then it hit her, like a déjà vu. She'd been there before.

Only, it wasn't déjà vu, it was, in fact, a memory. Not so long before, she'd been standing on the same porch, looking at her black heels and at those black letters that spelled out 'Welcome', not being able to make up her mind whether to get in the house or not.

However, her mind was made up now.

She had a strange feeling that she'd forgotten something. Her heels clicked against the mat a few times as she tried to get rid of the snow and at the same time dust the snow away from her shoulders using her bare hand. She was a fool not to put her gloves on.

It was so cold, her breath looked as thick as cigarette smoke. A little breathe in, breathe out was all she needed before finally knocking on the door.

"Hey, mom!" Zach smiled widely as he opened the front door to let her in. The house was so much warmer than outside that her cheeks reddened the moment she'd gotten in. "Grace, mom is here!" the teenager shouted, turning towards the stairs, calling for his sister to come down.

She'd completely forgotten that she was holding bags with presents leaving her left hand completely exposed to the terrible cold on her way from the car to the house. Again, she should've worn the gloves. Then it downed on her- Zach had only called for his sister- he hadn't called for his father, which could only mean that he wasn't there.

"Zach, where's your dad?" she put the bags on the small table near the door, where they'd used to keep the spare keys to the house and the keys to garage in case the kids needed them. The keys weren't there anymore and she got startled for a moment.

It was strange, being in their old house- it seemed like a different place. She hadn't been sure yet what to think about it.

So many things had changed and yet, when she looked at her daughter running down the stairs in her usual manner, she wasn't sure just how much.

"He went to get a new cake" her son helped her take off her coat and put it on the hanger. Her brows raised with confusion, but it went unnoticed as she was taking off her cap.

"Grandma canceled, and since she's the one allergic to pineapple, there was no reason for us not to have the upside-down pineapple cake" Grace grinned, she couldn't give her mom a hug soon enough.

She would've grinned too, hadn't it hit her , in that moment, why she'd felt she'd forgotten something - she had left the very same cake her husband was out to get, in her apartment. She'd wanted to surprise them, so she'd made their favorite cake and decided to keep them in the dark about it. They'd always gotten so excited every time she'd brought that cake to the table. She'd call it the 'Pineapple smile'.

"What?" both of her kids were confused. There was no time for her to go back to her apartment to get the cake and since she knew that another cake was coming, she decided not to say anything about it. They'd eat it when they came home... or, whatever her apartment was to them now.

"Why'd she cancel?" they moved towards the living room.

Zach was the first to answer "Last minute plans..." he scratched his head as they sat down on the couch. Grace leaned on her, glad to have her mom by her side.

"...she went to Florida... Cristian has some family there" he finished.

Her grimace mimicked her son's as they both remembered the awkward situation they'd found themselves in a couple of weeks before.

"Guys, I'm back with the cake but they didn't have the pineapple one, of course. Who goes cake shopping at 6 pm on Christmas Eve." They heard shuffling bags in the hallway.

"Dad, we're in the living room!" Grace shouted and quickly got up to go help her father.

Seeing her kids get helpful always made her smile with pride.

Grace went to put the cake away in the kitchen.

"Alicia,you're here already" he came to the living room, an unsteady smile playing on his lips as his eyes landed onto her. She looked beautiful with her flushed cheeks and a certain glimmer in her eyes.

"Hey, Peter" she smiled back a steadier smile, letting him know it was ok to show he was glad she'd come.

It was a terrible habit of hers- communicating with him without saying a word. A habit she'd thought she'd gotten rid off. But lately, it had been coming back to her, all by itself and she, as was the case with so many more things in her life, didn't know what to think about it.

She'd liked to think that she knew him like an open book, that she knew the way he was thinking and what went on in his mind just by looking at him, sometimes just by even hearing him breathe. However, after that... horrible turn of events that had turned her life upside-down, she'd made herself stop showing any kind of affection towards him. She had cut herself off, completely, including their little wordless communication.

She had closed, like an oyster. And for a long time she'd thought that she'd never open up again. It was easier, suffering in silence, detaching oneself. It was easier in a way that she'd made herself not think about it, tried to make herself not care. That system had seemed to work, though it had often led to her breaking at some point or another.

However, lately she'd found herself ,she dared say, opening up.

"I'll go help Grace" their son was out of the living room in no time, leaving the two of them somewhat clueless to what to say or do next. They hadn't talked much about what had happened after Thanksgiving dinner, like always, they'd continued living their dysfunctional life, going back and forth, exchanging an intimate moment here and there. But sooner or later, they'd have to talk about it. Somehow, she'd always settled with later as a better option.

Peter sat down on the armchair next to the couch. She frowned a bit- for some reason she'd thought he was going to sit next to her. Maybe it was better that way.

"How come you don't have the Christmas tree decorated?" her head turned towards the beautiful, to-the-top-of-the-ceiling-big tree sitting in the corner. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed it sooner, but then again, she hadn't had the reason to look around the room trying to avoid her husband's gaze before he'd come.

Even though she'd wanted to come and even though things were different, like they had never been before, she still felt a bit uncomfortable. Unsaid words and unfinished business never made anyone feel peachy.

"I guess the kids wanted to wait for you..." his eyes were set on the tree now as well.

Alicia's eyebrow cocked again. She didn't want to start making a home in that house again, not when she didn't know what tomorrow had in store for her, not when there were two kids that could have their lives even more screwed up by their parents.

"It was just a nice thought, it doesn't mean anything" He knew what she was thinking about, damn him.

"It starts like that, Peter" she breathed out and deciding it was too much for her to be in the same room with him, went to help her kids in the kitchen.

* * *

"Time for cake!" Grace clapped her hands and stormed out of the dining room to get it, as they all finished up their meals. They were all stuffed from the fine food. Some of the food had been bought, some of it made by Peter and the kids. In that way, she felt like a guest and it made her feel a bit relieved. At least she was not completely stepping back into her past. She never wanted to go back there, ever again, no matter how familiar and inviting it seemed to her sometimes.

"It's chocolate cake with strawberry and cream filling." Peter said with some disappointment, but a smile on his lips, as Grace placed the cake on the table.

"A little change won't hurt"

Zach's words echoed in her head.

When on Earth had he gotten so grown up?

A tear was threatening to fall down her cheek and she wasn't sure why that was. Or rather, she was scared to admit it to herself.

But as she hovered over her piece of the not traditional Florrick cake with a fork, she couldn't ignore the soft sweet feeling rising in her stomach.

Maybe this wasn't a step back into the past, maybe this was a step into the future.

And as she finally brought a forkful of the unfamiliar cake to her mouth, her eyes caught Peter's and a one sided smirk appeared on her face.

_A little change won't hurt_

* * *

**_And so this is Christmas  
And what have we done  
Another year over  
And a new one just begun_**

**_A very merry Christmas  
And a happy New Year  
Let's hope it's a good one  
Without any fear_**

* * *

_Merry Christmas again, guys!_


End file.
